so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
