She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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