is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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