There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have feelings that need drinking.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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