Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
