I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
