Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
