Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
