I want to have your abortion
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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