So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
