Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
