I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
