At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
