Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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