You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
