On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
