I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
