thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
