I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
