This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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