I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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