my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
