Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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