we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
