it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
