I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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