the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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