We're facebook friends in real life
I've blown a few things in my day
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
