you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
