you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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