He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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