): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
