so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
