I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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