I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
