the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
