who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
