every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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