a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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