the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am midnight drunk by noon
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
