he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
