i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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