I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
