i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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