we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
