if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
