She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
