Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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