Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
