I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
