I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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