It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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