non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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