Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
