Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
