The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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