I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
