I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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