I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize