I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
