I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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