Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
