I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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