you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
