Already got asked if we're dating
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
