I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
