Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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