just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
