she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
