I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
